Parum Nex

I walk through fire
never burning or feeling heat
I carry the weight of
my world
and do not stumble
I am the paragon of
strength and courage
navigating more than any
one
woman
should endure.

But, each day another
chip breaks away and
small drops of
pain
slip down my face
each one a monument
to
the small losses
that have passed
with no stone
or cross
or grave
to mark their exit

Rights

Once you have a child
you give up
certain rights. . .
some are obvious
like
the right to just take off
and go to the movies
without planning or thinking about it
or
the right to go to the bathroom
without a knock on the door
or
the right to buy only the toys
you want for yourself
or
the right to sleep through the night
when there are monsters under the bed.

But the biggest right you willingly hand over
is the right
to self-destruct
because someone
counts on you and
only you

So you pick yourself up
and dust off and
move forward and realize
that the privilege of being the
Mother
is worth it all.

Parenting is

being there
even when you would rather be somewhere else
just in case
a tooth aches
or a throat hurts
or a nightmare interrupts sleep . . .
Parenting is
not about YOU
it is about HER
just as you promised her it would be
a heartbeat ago
when she lay, wrapped in a blanket
in your arms looking up with
trust and love.

She still looks up that way
and every time she looks
and you are not there
a piece of her dies
I hope your new life is worth it. . . .

Re-Building

From the rubble of what was my sanctuary
I am building
piece by piece
brick by brick
I seek out those that can
support their own
weight
one by one
they stack
form and shape taking
but
it is too soon to tell
the final product. . .
Is it is Bridge
or a Wall?

Referral Wanted

I've heard that the science
of beating the blues

has improved
since the days of
ice baths
and seizures
and that
electroshock treatment
can jumpstart a brain
back into a positive mode
. . . .
I know the old way could almost
erase
the offending memories
have they fixed that?
I hope not.
I want a blank slate
a few missing years
relieving me of the pain
of remembering
my sins
and your pain
and replacing it with
nothing. . . .

Truth in Advertising, Part 2

Used 46 year old
non-beauty queen
with trust issues
seeks someone
who can see past

a hard bumpy protective shell

to the soft parts inside

Truth in Advertising

40-something teenage male
seeking 20-something
chick with perfect hourglass shape
and even more perfect BJ technique
Must also have
NO expectations and
even fewer standards
to help me recapture
that Youth I missed
while I was raising my younger siblings
and running interference with
my mother's alcoholic boyfriends.
I want fun, fun, fun - -

so if you want anything more

don't call me. . . . .