Atonement

You are foregiven
even before you ask
because I see
only
Your Innocence
and
I know that it is only
in Forgiving
that I am Forgiven
and that is all
I seek.

Embarkation

Once again I take
the Road
Less Traveled
it is not the one that
others would choose
were they me;
or where You have me go,
if I gave You that choice ~
I know not where it leads
to solitude or unity
but the Peace it holds
calls me quietly
and I
Know
I must go. . .

Stepping stone

How do I dig
out of this HOLE
where I willingly
went to fetch you
when you fell, so hard
so fast.
You grasp my hand
and then climbed out
over my body
pressing my flesh into
the black mud
and leaving me
like so much
old trash. . .

Parum Nex

I walk through fire
never burning or feeling heat
I carry the weight of
my world
and do not stumble
I am the paragon of
strength and courage
navigating more than any
one
woman
should endure.

But, each day another
chip breaks away and
small drops of
pain
slip down my face
each one a monument
to
the small losses
that have passed
with no stone
or cross
or grave
to mark their exit

Rights

Once you have a child
you give up
certain rights. . .
some are obvious
like
the right to just take off
and go to the movies
without planning or thinking about it
or
the right to go to the bathroom
without a knock on the door
or
the right to buy only the toys
you want for yourself
or
the right to sleep through the night
when there are monsters under the bed.

But the biggest right you willingly hand over
is the right
to self-destruct
because someone
counts on you and
only you

So you pick yourself up
and dust off and
move forward and realize
that the privilege of being the
Mother
is worth it all.

Parenting is

being there
even when you would rather be somewhere else
just in case
a tooth aches
or a throat hurts
or a nightmare interrupts sleep . . .
Parenting is
not about YOU
it is about HER
just as you promised her it would be
a heartbeat ago
when she lay, wrapped in a blanket
in your arms looking up with
trust and love.

She still looks up that way
and every time she looks
and you are not there
a piece of her dies
I hope your new life is worth it. . . .

Re-Building

From the rubble of what was my sanctuary
I am building
piece by piece
brick by brick
I seek out those that can
support their own
weight
one by one
they stack
form and shape taking
but
it is too soon to tell
the final product. . .
Is it is Bridge
or a Wall?